Learning to touch with sensitivity is central to learning massage. Technique means nothing without quality of touch. What makes a "good" touch, as opposed to a "bad" one? You would probably agree that you want the person touching you to be present, calm, and centered and the touch to be sensitive and firm yet gentle and nurturing. You want to feel safe and not invaded, and most of all, you want a loving touch, especially from your partner. Now, let’s begin with an exercise in sensitivity practice.

sensitivity practice

If you have completed the meditation and are seated together, you can stay where you are for this exercise. Otherwise, come together in a seated position facing each other, close but not touching yet.

1. Take a moment to connect to yourself by taking some deep breaths. Notice your thoughts, notice where your attention goes, and bring your awareness back to your breath. As you sit together and your breathing slows down, let your breath fall into a pattern together and breathe as one for several minutes.
2. Bring your attention to your hands and turn your palms face up. Notice the sensations in your hands. You may feel warmth or cold, tingling or pulsing, or even anticipation in your fingertips.
3. Bring your palms slowly to your heart and hold them against your body as you take another deep breath. Notice any feelings in your chest as you do this. Feelings become more accessible to you when you bring your awareness to the fullness of your breath in your chest and abdomen.
4. Now turn your palms to face your partner and again notice the sensations in your hands.
5. Now begin to bring your palms closer together, not yet touching, and again notice any change of feeling in your palms. As your hands move closer together, you may begin to feel energy, heat, vibration, or a magnetic pull from your partner’s hands. You are experiencing the energy field that surrounds you, the electromagnetic field that is each person’s aura. Some people see this field as a color or a light. Others can feel it, even from great distances. Each of you can feel it once you begin to pay attention to it and start developing your sensitivity.
6. Slowly, let your palms meet, feeling the magnetic pull, melding skin on skin, your hands soft and receptive to each other.
7. Hold your contact for several moments. Breathe. Pay attention to your hands and their physical sensations. How does the skin-on-skin contact change the sensation in your hands?
8. After a few breaths, begin to break your contact by moving very slowly apart, as you pass through each other’s magnetic field. How far apart can you move and still feel each other?
9. Repeat this exercise two or three times to get the feeling of coming together and departing in this subtle way.

This is an exercise in learning to recognize and respect each other’s field and to enter it gently and with awareness. If the giver touches too suddenly without attention, the receiver’s body may tighten in protection. The response is automatic and counter to the intention of a massage, which is to relax the body.

Excerpt from Connecting Through Touch: The Couples' Massage Book by Peggy Morrison Horan