So, how shall we view suicide? Here’s what we recommend:

1. Get rid of the stigma

    

   Nothing interferes with therapeutic progress quite like shame. This isn’t surprising. If a tennis player believes that it’s shameful to need lessons, he’ll have a tough time improving his game. Women who are ashamed to see a gynecologist and men who are ashamed to get a prostate exam place themselves at greater risk for undetected cancer. And if you’re ashamed of your suicidal thoughts and behaviors, then you aren’t very likely to address them through self-help or therapy. Because of this, you could risk losing the opportunity, literally, to save your own life.

   
   

   Practice thinking of the term suicidal in a nonjudgmental way, just as you might think of your friend as being a procrastinator or a couch potato. These are human imperfections that carry with them distinct disadvantages, but they certainly are no cause for condemnation. And these problems all are definitely solvable. This brings us to our second suggestion.



2. Adopt a problem-solving point of view.

    

   Convince yourself that suicidality* is no more nor less than an attempt (however disadvantageous) to solve a problem – a desperate attempt, when no other viable options are apparent. (Think about it: It makes no sense to believe that an otherwise sane, intelligent person would contemplate self-harm when effective, less painful approaches to problems were apparent.) Whether the predicament is physical pain or the emotional pain of loneliness and loss, painful problems cry out for relief. Is a person to be condemned simply because he or she is having trouble finding a less desperate solution than self-harm?

   
   

   Also, consider that, unlike shame, the problem-solving view points directly to a solution: The solution to maladaptive problem solving is, quite simply, improved problem solving. At this point, you might be thinking, "Easy for you to say. My problems don’t have solutions. If they did, I wouldn’t be suicidal! " This leads us to a third suggestion.

   
   

   *Suicidality is a term commonly used to refer to the state of "being suicidal" or to a person’s risk of becoming suicidal. Suicidal describes a person with any combination of thoughts, feelings, and behaviors that involve the potential for self-inflicted death. A person is considered "suicidal" when he or she is thinking about, talking about, or carrying out deliberate self-harm or self-destruction.



3. Keep an open mind.

    

   Perhaps its not that your problems have no solutions, but just that the solutions are not apparent to you. This is not to suggest that you are missing easy, obvious solutions. If the solutions were easy, you’d have discovered them long ago. Consider the possibility that even intelligent, responsible people occasionally benefit from outside input. Successful businesspeople, major corporations, governmental agencies, and star athletes all use consultants to great advantage. Far from being ashamed, you have every reason to take pride in your openness and willingness to grow by listening and learning.

Excerpt from Choosing to Live: How to Defeat Suicide Through Cognitive Therapy by Thomas E. Ellis.