The intensity of competitive volleyball isn't exactly the fun leisure activity you play in grandma’s back yard. Throughout a volleyball match, both teams strive to keep the ball in action, back and forth from one side of the court to the other and never letting the ball hit the ground. Each time the ball is about to sail across the net to one side of the court, a player in the front row jumps up to block it with her bare hands. Behind the blocker are five other players strategically positioned to keep the ball in motion. If the ball is not blocked, a player in the back row dives to the ground with her arms stretched out to pop the ball into the air, as another teammate is set up to deliver a mighty spike to send the ball back to the other side. All the while, each player stands alert and ready, trying to read the opponents in anticipation of their next move.

Mental Volleyball

At this point, you may be wondering if this is about anorexia or sports. Don’t worry—volleyball does relate to anorexia. How? Well, the strategy of volleyball is a great way to describe how you are responding to thoughts about yourself. Imagine that a volleyball match is going on inside your mind. Instead of volleying a ball back and forth, the teams inside your head are volleying thoughts about you.

A Volley ball Competition with Your Thoughts and Feelings

On one side of the court is Team A “Anorexia” which serves the following thought: You don’t deserve any thing nice.

Team B is ready for action, diving to the ground to prevent that thought from touching down: I’ll deserve nice things once I am more attractive.

At this point, Team A keeps the ball in motion: You’re so unattractive, how can any one even stand to look at you, let alone like you?

Across the net, the thought goes, with Team B ready for the return: I won’t be gross once I reach [---] pounds.

Before that thought crosses the net, Team A blocks it with: But you mess every thing up.

Then, Team B powers back with: Well, at least I’m good at dieting.

You can insert your own personal thought that Team A “Anorexia” volleys: ________________________________________________________________________ And insert your own personal Team B response: ________________________________________________________________________

The Players’ Role

The game goes on and on. As soon as Team A “Anorexia” serves up an unsettling thought, Team B responds to that thought by committing to weight loss, purging, exercising, or dieting even harder. This volleyball com petition of thoughts and feelings goes on in your head, and it also echoes in the voices of the clients we treat:

• Samantha, age nineteen, a granddaughter: There is a battle raging inside of me. When ever I tell myself that I’m not fat, a loud strong voice replies back telling me that if I eat I will be fat beyond repair. It is hard to hear any thing except the thundering voice of anorexia shouting in my head.


• Liz, age twenty-four, a best friend: If I gain weight I will be so disgusting. When ever that pig image pops into my mind, it forces me to vomit. The purging never ends.


• Layla, age seventeen, a sister: The disappointment I feel when I gain weight over shadows every thing, even when I try to remind myself of my accomplishments.

Like Samantha, Liz, and Layla, you may be trying hard to beat the Team A “Anorexia” thoughts by responding to every negative thought that sails toward your side of the court. However, you can not win the match. In fact, your response to everything Team A “Anorexia” delivers fires up the Anorexia Team even more. The Anorexia Team serves you an unwanted thought, and you diet in response. Determined not to let the ball hit the ground, the Anorexia Team steps up the game a notch and sends you an even more intense thought. Then you diet harder. On and on the cycle goes, with each side becoming more and more aggressive over time. Just as a volleyball player runs, dives, jumps, and pounds her body all over the court, you are exhausting your self in this battle.

Excerpt from The Anorexia Workbook: How to Accept Yourself, Heal Your Suffering, and Reclaim Your Life by Michelle Heffner M.A. & Georg H. Eifert Ph.D.