It’s very hard to be tense, anxious, or worried when you are physically relaxed. As we noted in lesson 1, anxiety and worry always imply the presence of a perceived threat. Because you believe danger is present, your body prepares to fight or flee. Your heart rate accelerates, your attention sharpens, the blood flow increases to your arms and legs, your muscles tense, and you’re ready for action. But staying wired like this for long periods can be hard on both the body and the spirit. Moreover, high levels of tension don’t promote clear thinking or effective problem solving. It’s time to relax.

To relax means to do things that physically release stress and tension. Think of it as a shakedown for your body and brain. Of course, there are many ways to do this. The Rag Doll yoga pose is particularly helpful:

1. Stand with your legs slightly apart and knees bent.
2. Slowly breathe in, drop your chin, and bend at the waist. Now slowly roll your body down.
3. Let your arms dangle. Let them gently sway from side to side. Perhaps shake them a bit. Let your neck and torso relax.
4. After a few seconds, slowly roll back up to a standing position.

Going for a run, a walk, or laps in the pool can also work well. A hot bath or a massage can help, or even a bit of dancing. If nothing else, just stand up in the middle of the room and shake out your tension. Any physical activity that releases physical tension from your body will help. One of the most effective relaxation methods is simply learning how to breathe. Yes, something as simple as breathing from your abdomen rather than using shallow chest breathing offers a host of benefits to your mind and body. You can do this anywhere: in your car, in a meeting, or even in line at the grocery checkout. It doesn’t take planning, time, or a change in your schedule. Try this:

1. Breathe from your abdomen, which means taking a deeper, slower, and fuller breath. Begin by placing your hand on your belly while breath¬ing. If you’re taking an abdominal breath, you’ll feel your belly, not just your lungs, expand.
2. Inhale slowly while counting to five.
3. Pause and hold your breath for a count of five.
4. Exhale slowly, as if you are cooling a spoonful of hot soup.
5. Follow this with two breaths at normal rhythm.
6. Now repeat the process of deep, slow inhaling and exhaling.

Be careful, though. This is not an exercise in hyperventilation or exaggerated breathing. Often when we feel anxious, our first thought is Take a deep breath. But rapidly sucking in a large volume of air can lead to tingling sensations or dizziness, magnifying our anxiety. What’s the better approach? Try slow, controlled abdominal breathing. Another relaxing activity involves guided imagery:

1. Find a quite place where you won’t be interrupted. Lie down or sit in a comfortable chair; either will do.
2. Close your eyes, let your muscles relax, and call 2. to mind a vision of the most peaceful, relaxing place you’ve ever visited. Perhaps it’s a warm tropical beach, whose waves roll up onto the sand leaving a salty smell in the air. Maybe your relaxing place is a mountain lake where you enjoy the sound of waves lapping against a rocky shore and the feel of a cool breeze tingling through the pines. Your relaxing place can even be something as simple as a lazy Sunday morning in a comfortable bed with overstuffed pillows and a warm down comforter.
3. In your mind, focus closely on what you see, picturing it in detail. What sounds do you hear? Are there any smells? What’s the feeling on your skin? Feel the warmth of the sun or the cool crispness of cotton sheets. Take your time and allow the image to develop.
4. Allow your mind to return to this calm, peaceful place. Your feelings of tension will fade as well. It only takes a few minutes.

You need not wait until you feel tense to use these tools. Try them in advance, as a way to prepare for stressful events. The next time you’re facing a tough task, a high-powered meeting, a difficult conversation, or any other anxiety-provoking event, try the physical relaxation, controlled breathing, or guided imagery exercise shortly beforehand. You’ll feel calmer and more focused.

Anxiety and worry can occur at any time. Often, the things we worry about are days, weeks, months, or even years away. Clinicians refer to this as anticipatory anxiety, and it’s very common. You can apply these relaxation techniques to this type of anxiety as well. Anytime the big “A” takes its cue, try these approaches to calm your mind.

key points

• Chronic tension can take a toll on both the mind and body.
• Physical relaxation (not just distraction from worrisome thoughts) can provide much needed relief.
• Muscle relaxation, controlled breathing, and guided imagery can bring almost instant relief from feelings of tension and anxiety.

what you may be thinking

This just seems too easy. Dancing, exercise, and even breathing will calm my mind? And only a few minutes of guided imagery will help me feel a sense of calm?

now ask yourself…

• What physical activity or exercise do you find enjoyable? Exercise doesn’t necessarily mean the treadmill or heavy physical exertion; it can be as simple as a walk through your neighborhood.
• Everyone has a favorite activity that can be relaxing. Do you enjoy gardening, taking a long, hot bath? Identify a short list of activities you find calming.
• What’s your typical breathing pattern? Do you find that your breathing pattern changes when you’re tense, stressed, or worried? Do you tell yourself to take a deep breath when you feel anxious or fearful? How does your body respond to this change in your breathing? Do you begin to experience other physical sensations?

what you need to do

• Practice slow, controlled breathing a few times over the next week, perhaps when you first wake up in the morning or before lunch. Choose times of the day when your routine is fairly predictable, letting the events remind you that it’s time to breathe.
• Experiment with the breathing techniques we discussed. Try them out and compare how each of them makes you feel. When you take in a large gulp of air, how do you feel? When you take deep, slow, calm, breaths, as previously described, how do you feel?
• Even if you’re not a big fan of exercising, build some physical activity into your day. Try parking the car toward the rear of the parking lot and walking briskly to the entrance. Do knee bends while emptying the dishwasher, or simply dance to your favorite song in the kitchen for a minute or two.
• Call to mind a calm, peaceful place, remembering the details. What did you see, feel, smell, and hear? With just a bit of practice, you can train your brain to give your mind a needed break.

excerpt from Little Ways to Keep Calm and Carry On: Twenty Lessons for Managing Worry, Anxiety, and Fear by Mark A. Reinecke, Ph.D.