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Friday, September 10, 2010

the importance of secure attachment

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:: parenting, excerpt, children

Raising secure, emotionally competent, cooperative children who have full access to their creativity and expression is desperately needed for the health of the human race and the health of the planet. Raising secure children matters. Becoming more secure yourself also matters, not only for your own happiness but also for the child you are raising. So, no matter what your financial status is, what your culture, your ethnicity, your educational level, no matter if you are two parents, one parent, or a divorced parent, a family-member parent, a stepparent, an adopted parent, a foster parent, or have any other configuration at home, the greatest gift you can give your child is a secure attachment.

So what is attachment? In brief, attachment is a child’s biological tie or bond to her primary caregivers, usually her parents. It is a biological system developed through evolution to protect the child, thus ensuring the likelihood she will grow into an adult and reproduce, thereby guaranteeing gene survival. The child’s attachment to her parent is thought to develop over the first year of life. The degree of a child’s attachment to her parent is shaped by the quality of sensitivity, attunement, and responsivity of the parent. Terms like attachment or attachment bond or attachment tie refer to the child’s connection to her parents. The term bonding, however, is commonly used to refer to the parent’s connection to the child. This bond can begin in pregnancy and be quite strong at birth. (For some mothers, however, the bond may take a bit of time to develop, especially if there is postpartum depression involved, or the baby was conceived in circumstances that were difficult for the mother.)

Sensitive and responsive caregiving given specifically in the early years of life fuels a child’s development, and it produces secure children. Within the security of these early relationships, babies grow with confidence and ultimately express their own interests and creativity using the stunning qualities of the conceptual, thinking mind. The body world has profound wisdoms of its own that are often lost to us as we live our busy lives. Babies, however, require us to release some of our urgent worldly matters and slide back into the rhythms of the body which nature has taken millions of years to create, a world where a child’s connection to her parent matters for survival. We could not live without children, and not for the obvious reason that we need them to survive as a species. More importantly, children give us the delight of their innocence, the thrill of their discoveries, and the joy of their existence. They remind us of the beauty of naturalness. Without such reminders, our hearts would shrivel and die long before the human race.

excerpt from The Attachment Connection: Parenting a Secure and Confident Child Using the Science of Attachment Theory by Ruth P. Newton, Ph.D.

Posted By / 11:00 AM / Friday, September 10, 2010