For most of us, those feelings of being deeply known and unconditionally treasured first occurred when we were small children. Protected from the more conditional demands of the outside world, we could express our needs and feel entitled to their fulfillment. As an adult newly in love, we are likely to activate those childhood desires, sharing the words, phrases, and feelings that we remember from that time.

As small children learn that disappointments and disillusionments come with life’s challenges, they read just their expectations and realize that those early experiences must eventually transform into more practical realities. If they have been lucky enough to have been prepared for that transition and still know that they can return for reinforcement, they can survive that process and continue to find success in each new relationship.

Intimate adult partners often go through the same transformation. They enter the delicious and seductive intensity of each new love relationship reliving those early childhood comforts intertwined with the adult capacities of sensual lust and intellectual perspective. As the relationship matures, those original interactions naturally diminish. The partners realize they must refocus their attention on the other priorities in their lives instead of focusing so intensely on each other. They sadly come to understand that they cannot stay forever in the bliss that they have re-created, and may incorrectly believe that their relationship will never be as viable and possibly should end.

If you still love each other and you’re still together, but feel that you’ve lost the wonderful connection that once existed, please do not give up hope. Given the understanding and the tools, you can find that love again. You’ve merely stumbled and need to get your relationship back on track.

excerpt from When Love Stumbles: How to Rediscover Love, Trust, and Fulfillment in your Relationship by Randi Gunther Ph.D.