In childhood, cleverness and creativity often help us get what we want: our older sibling’s stuff, sweets, or an extra fifteen minutes of television before going to bed. Anyone who has tried to negotiate with a determined three-year-old knows the creative force of that will when she truly wants something. As we grow older, we are taught to heed the guidance of our caregivers, usually offered in the service of our safety, but sometimes at the expense of trusting our own intuitive abilities and resourcefulness. While children’s lives depend on parental guidance, as adults we must reclaim aspects of ourselves that were repressed, however inadvertently.

One very successful charity fund-raiser recalls her achievement selling tacky change purses for a junior high school sale. “My older sister was labeled ‘The Popular One,’” she remembered. “My younger sister was ‘The Pretty One.’ Even at the age of eleven, I could sell cases and cases of those awful purses. I guess I was ‘The Persuasive One.’” She has a skill that now serves her and her community. In fact, her persuasive abilities in fundraising put her in great demand. What might have happened if she had not been rewarded for this skill as a child? What if she had been shamed? Those of us who were not duly rewarded for our gifts must now take up the task of valuing them.

If we look back at our lives with curiosity and kindness, we might be startled at our bravery. Often, we are taken aback by our natural propensity as children to explore what we truly enjoyed. Before a child learns what is acceptable in her environment, she is clear on how she wants to spend her time. If she wants to create her own play and perform it for her block, she will. What four-year-old wakes up thinking, “How on earth am I going to make it through my day?” At fourteen, she eagerly participates in a talent show. Will she at forty? The truth is, we are still as brave, creative, and determined as we were at two, twelve, or twenty. We just need to remember our resources. It might take a little time to see ourselves fully, but with some examination, our natural gifts and fascinations will emerge. Let your soul gravitate to what it truly loves. Be willing to know what it is you truly love to do and what you truly do well. Often, they are the same.


Excerpt from What’s Right With Me: Positive Ways to Celebrate Your Strengths, Build Self-Esteem, and Reach Your Potential by Carlene DeRoo, Ph.D. and Carolyn DeRoo