by guest blogger Christy Matta MA, author of The Stress Response

Do you find yourself compromising your values to smooth out a conflict? Or do you worry about that someone will judge you harshly if you speak up? Do you lie or gloss over the truth out of fear of rejection?

We all smooth over the truth and bend in our standards from time to time in order to reduce conflict and make relationships work. But when pleasing others becomes a habit you may find yourself resentful, which ultimately damages your relationships.

Smoothing over disagreements and arguments can become more important than your own personal beliefs, eroding your self-respect.

by guest blogger Christy Matta MA, author of The Stress Response

We're often kept from getting what we want in life by the demands we place on ourselves more so than by the demands of others. Pressure, hassles and tension often come when what we want to do conflicts with what we tell ourselves is "right." We see a messy house and believe we "should" clean it, or we long to pursue a career we're passionate about but tell ourselves "I can't do that."

If you are stuck "doing the right thing" while sacrificing what you want, your beliefs about how you "should" act may be holding you back.

by guest blogger Karyn Hall, PhD, co-author of The Power of Validation

In January people evaluate their progress toward goals they made for the past year. Emotionally sensitive people evaluate themselves and wish they were different than they are regardless of what the calendar says. Change can be positive, but sometimes it’s learning acceptance that’s really needed–acceptance of who you are instead of judging yourself as unworthy and living in fear of being rejected.

Some societies don’t understand the concept of judging oneself as unworthy. Our culture tends to be competitive, based on the idea that we have to be “good enough” to succeed, to belong to certain groups, to not be rejected. Many, many years ago being part of a group was necessary for survival. Belonging is still a basic need for everyone.

by guest blogger Suzanne Phillips, Psy.D., ABPP, co-author of Healing Together

No one just shows up for a good relationship and relationships don’t just get better because time passes. It is what we do during that time that helps heal and enhance our relationships. Over the last few years I have written many blogs for couples. Here are six simple resolutions drawn from them that many have found enhance the bond they share with their partner.

excerpt from Present Perfect by Pavel Somov, PhD

Imagination is always at least one step ahead of reality. When we appraise the world, ourselves, or others, we compare what is (the real) with what theoretically could be (the imagined).

Say you got a B on a test. You look at this grade and you think that you could have done better, that you could have gotten an A. But that’s theory. The reality is that you got a B, not an A, and this B represented your practical (not theoretical) best.

With this in mind, let me ask you this: what do you mean by perfection—the theoretical best or the practical best? When you think about perfection, are you thinking about the imaginary perfection of what could be or about the perfection of what actually is? Of course, this is something of a rhetorical question. I know the answer: as a perfectionist, you define perfection as a theoretical best. That’s exactly why you are never satisfied with reality as it is.

Here is Shawn Smith, PsyD's book trailer for The User's Guide to the Human Mind: Why Our Brains Make Us Unhappy, Anxious, and Neurotic and What We Can Do about It. It's very quick and catchy. Check it out!

by guest blogger Rick Hanson, PhD is the author of Buddha's Brain and Just One Thing

Everyone messes up. Me, you, the neighbors, Mother Teresa, Mahatma Gandhi, King David, the Buddha, everybody.

It's important to acknowledge mistakes, feel appropriate remorse and learn from them so they don't happen again. But most people keep beating themselves up way past the point of usefulness: They're unfairly self-critical.

Therefore, you really need your inner protector to stick up for you: to put your weaknesses and misdeeds in perspective, to highlight your many good qualities surrounding your lapses, to encourage you to keep getting back on the high road even if you've gone down the low one, and frankly, to tell that inner critic to shut up.

by guest blogger Rick Hanson, PhD is the author of Buddha's Brain

As unique standing waves, you and I are constructed each moment by the currents -- the forces and factors, both internal and external -- flowing through us. We have no choice about being "lived" by these currents, continually giving over to them.

But we can choose to give ourselves over to the good ones.

excerpt from Visualize Confidence

Self-confidence affords you the belief that, within reason, you do have the ability and skills to accomplish what you envision for yourself. Since confidence isn’t with each of us all the time and in all situations, our beliefs and behavior can change according to the tasks and situations at hand. You can be confident in one area of your life but not in another. For example, you may be confident in math but not in biology. You may be confident in your academic abilities but not in sports. You may relish the excitement of giving a talk before a large crowd but feel awkward going on a first date.

Since self-confidence exists within the context of your own beliefs, self-image, self-esteem, self-efficacy, memories, and perceptions, it can be summed up in three terms: attitudes (how you feel), behavior (what you do), and cognitions (what you think).

excerpt from Children of the Self-Absorbed

Creativity, as used here, includes the following:

• Developing new ways to do things and solve problems
• Perceiving things from a new perspective
• Bringing a fresh, new, or novel approach to something that already exists
• Engaging in creating something that brings you pleasure
• Learning something you did not know and making constructive use of the knowledge
• Streamlining, correcting, reducing, or eliminating barriers, constraints, and roadblocks
• Trying something different