by guest blogger Raychelle Cassada Lohmann, MS, LPC, author of The Anger Workbook for Teens

Are high school relationships a thing of the past? According to the research it would seem so. Today's teens now prefer "hooking up", "no strings attached" and even "friends with benefits" relationships to a "Steady Relationship." In fact, the modern day Cinderella story may go something like this:

excerpt from Let's Be Friends by Lawrence E. Shapiro Ph.D.

Giving Compliments

For You to Know

Giving sincere compliments is a sure way to make other kids feel good, and it can also make you feel great!

What you say to others has a big impact on them. If you give someone a genuine compliment about something they have accomplished, something they do well, or something they’ve been trying hard to change, you can make them feel good for the rest of the day.

Sometimes giving a compliment can be tricky. Imagine you have a shy friend who is trying out for the school play and comes to you for encouragement. Even if you don’t think your friend is a great actor, you can still find something to compliment. You might simply compliment your friend for being brave enough to try something new.

excerpt from Letting Go of Anger

“When I’m really mad at others, I sometimes take it out on myself.” “I get just as mad at myself as I do at other people.” “I just hate my guts.” Anger turned inward means taking the feeling of anger, and behaving in a way that turns that anger on ourselves. The results are that we hurt ourselves, sometimes knowingly but often without thinking much about it. Although anger is a feeling, it can lead us to angry behaviors such as blaming, ignoring, shaming, criticizing, attacking, condemning, abandoning, and physically harming its target. What happens when we target ourselves for these kinds of punishments? We often hear people say they are frustrated, angry, even furious with themselves. Some people get as angry with themselves as they do with others in their lives. But many say they are angry only with themselves. There are also those who refuse to admit any anger whatever, but treat themselves like yesterday’s trash. They are angry and disgusted that they are here in this world, feeling inadequate and paralyzed, they try to justify the fact that they exist, and often feel like failures.

It is when we turn our anger inward often, with too much energy, calling ourselves names and feeling angry with ourselves for whatever we do, that our anger becomes a problem—for us and usually for those who love us, as well.

excerpt from Messages

Not every relationship or situation requires whole messages. Effective communication with your garage mechanic probably won’t involve a lot of deep feeling or discussion of your emotional needs. Even with intimates, the majority of messages are just informational. But partial messages, with something important left out or obscured, are always dangerous. They become relational booby traps when used to express the complex issues that are an inevitable part of closeness.

You can test whether you are giving whole or partial messages by asking yourself the following questions:

excerpt from Cool, Calm, and Confident: A Workbook to Help Kids Learn Assertiveness Skills.

For You To Know

Solving problems with other people takes thought and energy. Sometimes it is hard to put aside our angry feelings and try to work things out. Learning and remembering some problem-solving guidelines can make it easier to act and resolve your problems assertively.

C— Calm down. “You have to be calm before you try to solve a problem or you’ll be too angry to think clearly,” she said.

A— Allow a good amount of time. “You have to allow enough time to really sit and listen to each other and work on the problem.”

T— Think ahead. “If you think ahead about what you want to say, what is important to you, and how you might solve the problem, you will stick to the subject and solve things more quickly.”

T—Talk nicely. “No name calling or saying mean things to the other person.”

S— Stay focused on one problem. “Don’t talk about other problems or things that happened days or weeks ago. Just stick to the one problem you have today.”