love is in the air

10 ways to reignite the spark in your relationship

1. Act sexy and you’ll feel sexy.
   Play the part by setting the scene with candlelight and soft music, softer words, lingerie, and great smells. This creates a fanciful mood for both of you, and sex will be unavoidable.
2. Make your bedroom a romantic hideaway.
   Get some silk sheets and soft lights. Having a place to go when the feelings come over you is important in keeping romance alive.
3. Talk about sex.
   Call your partner in the middle of the day and tell them you can’t wait to make love to them. Drop little sexual innuendoes and talk about sex. Conversations about love may be one of the most underrated aphrodisiacs…
4. Share your secret romantic fantasy with your partner and ask them to tell you theirs.
   Then make plans to play your fantasies out. Just the anticipation will add to the romance, and the gift of giving each other what you desire will be something that you will never forget…
5. Make love at least once a week.
   This may be the most important and most disregarded rule of sexual intimacy. Connecting in this way is something that both of you can look forward to all week long as your special time together.
6. Be creative.
   Relive your first encounter, kidnap your partner for a weekend getaway, have chocolate-covered strawberries and champagne in bed, or serenade your partner with your favorite song. There are so many different ways to be sexy. Just go with your ideas (or buy a book to get some). It’s really hard to do it wrong.
7. Kiss often.
   Couples who kiss every day make love more than those who don’t. One of the sexiest things you can do with your partner is to just spend a night making out and cuddling.
8. Let go.
   Give your partner total control in the physical romance department every once in a while. It’s surprising how they will surprise you if they can give to you in any way they want. There is also something freeing about giving up control. Just say to the one you love, ‘Honey, I’m all yours. Do with me what you will.’
9. Compliment each other.
   Everyone wants to know they’re desirable, and we all wonder if our partners still find us sexy after a few years have gone by. Compliments should take place throughout the day. This way, at bedtime, your partner will already feel desired and you will reap the benefits.
10. Think about sex.
    We all think about sex, but sometimes we forget to put our partner in the picture with us. Next time your mind wanders in that direction, be sure to focus on being with the person you love…

Adapted from
Emotional Fitness for Couples, p. 86 - 88
Copyright 2005 by Barton Goldsmith, Ph.D.

Dance the night away! Develop a romantic habit to keep your love running deeply

Don’t let another day go by without dancing together. A slow dance can deepen your romance and replenish the heart with more love. Drop what you’re doing this instant and make it happen. Keep these few items in mind as you move your bodies in leisurely rhythm:

• If you picked out music, think back on why you chose it. What memories does it hold for you?
• Be aware of how his body feels next to yours. Think about how it feels to have his hand on the small of your back, or intimacy created by linking your hands together. Do you like to be spun around, or do you prefer rocking slowly with your face buried in his neck?
• What emotions stir inside you when you move with him?
• Give him a compliment right now on his twinkling eyes, gorgeous smile, or generous heart.

Adapted from
Five Good Minutes With the One You Love, p. 214 - 215
Copyright 2007 by Jeffrey Brantley, MD, and Wendy Millstine, NC

Are you addicted to love?

Romance is exciting, fun—and almost literally addictive. No wonder. It fires up the same rewarding brain circuits that cocaine does. But, if you’re hooked on romance, you may never learn to move on to the next stage: committed, oxytocin-based love. Use these strategies to keep your head about the fog of passion:

• If you’re not in a relationship: Aside from sex, romantic relationships fulfill many of our most basic needs for human contact, while the hurry of modern life provides fewer opportunities for other kinds of connection. Instead of focusing on romance, put more energy into establishing or nurturing other kinds of relationships. Make a standing date to meet friends for drinks or dinner. Join a sports league, a club, or a church—and show up religiously.
• If you’re in a new relationship: Slow it down now. Enjoy this exciting stage to the fullest without pushing for sex or commitment. You may feel, ‘This is it!’ Remind yourself that this feeling could change. Set a goal for how long you want to date before having sex. If you’re looking for a long-term relationship, waiting six months will give you time to assess the chances. Sharing that goal with your partner is a good way to build trust—or to find out that he or she isn’t so understanding. If you just want to have fun, waiting at least a month will give you a sense of whether or not you’re dating a creep.

Adapted from
The Chemistry of Connection, p. 89 - 90
Copyright 2009 by Susan Kuchinskas

Do we appreciate our partners enough?

Expectation and acceptance are diametrically opposed. If acceptance is the key to loving relationships, expectations are their bane. Yet most of us enter into relationship because of various expectations. We think, for example, ‘This person is going to make me happy,’ or ‘This is the relationship I’ve been looking for.’ Without expectations, we wouldn’t have disappointments. And without disappointments, we wouldn’t have the bitterness that can poison even the best of partnerships…

Make a list of qualities you appreciate in your partner and consider to be assets. For example, your list might include ‘honest,’ ‘trustworthy,’ and ‘funny.’ Now make a list of qualities that bother you, such as ‘stubborn’ or ‘forgetful.’ Jot down as many as you can in both categories. Now examine both lists carefully, looking for positive and negative qualities that might go hand in hand. For example, though trustworthiness might be an asset and stubbornness might be annoying, the one might not exist without the other. Think about it. Do the qualities that make your boyfriend stubborn also help him to be trustworthy? Is your girlfriend’s flakiness part of what makes her interesting? When we’re disappointed by a partner, it’s easy to point to a negative characteristic as the problem. See if you can discover a different way to reconcile your partner’s many dimensions.

Adapted from
The Mindful Couple, p. 52 - 55
Copyright 2009 by Robyn D. Walser, Ph.D., and Darrah Westrup, Ph.D.