What can you do when clients make excuses and "yes-but" your suggestions for change?

So what do we do with these unhelpful yes-buts? When the yes-but has become a pattern or habit, the clients need to become aware of it, and the most effective way to begin to increase awareness is for you to bring it to their attention (they can also use mindfulness to help with this if you’ve already gone over this skill). Gradually, they’ll start to notice it themselves. One of my current clients had a habit of doing the yes-buts. Now she catches herself before she says it, we both chuckle, and we move on from there.

Often, the yes-but is also a great opportunity to point out black-and-white thinking, as well—we can point out to the client that it doesn’t have to be either/or, it can be both/and, which is thinking dialectically. Using the yes-but in this way can help clients practice negotiating and compromising, which, in the long run, will also help them be more effective in interpersonal relationships.

So the next time you hear a yes-but, don’t despair—treat it as a therapeutic opportunity!