How do you help clients put a stop to self-sabotaging behaviors?

by Lisa Firestone, Ph.D.

No matter what area in life an individual struggles with, everyone encounters those self-critical thoughts that increase anxiety and interfere with the ability to achieve. You can help clients conquer this self-saboteur by asking them to vocalize negative thoughts that they have toward themselves.

• Ask your clients to express their self-critical thoughts in the second person. They may say things like, “Why can’t you be more understanding?” or “You’re so selfish.”
• After they have finished, ask them to think about how they felt when hearing these attacks aloud. Whose voice might have been speaking to them? Allow your clients to feel angry at these thoughts, just as they would feel toward a real enemy or a bully.
• Now, ask them to respond to these attacks from a more realistic and impartial point of view. Make sure your clients respond strongly, as a caring friend would, but using the first person. Their responses could sound like, “I may get distracted at times, but I care deeply for the people I love.”

This exercise will help clients identify their inner voice as an enemy they’ve come to internalize that holds them back and tries to keep them from being who they really are.

Learn more about Lisa Firestone and her books.