Bria Simpson Talks with us About a Being a Balanced Mom

New Harbinger Publications: What led you to write The Balanced Mom?

Bria Simpson: I wrote the book because I saw a real need for it. Mothers everywhere are struggling with how to take care of their children without both exhausting and neglecting themselves in the process. They know they need and deserve more for themselves but don’t know how to get it. My book shows them how.

NHP: As a new mother, did you struggle with trying to be a “supermama?”

BS: Sure, I think we all struggle with it to some extent. I actually felt more pressure to be constantly involved in my children’s lives as they got older, with the multitude of after-school activities. Also, as a new mother, I was working part-time, as I do now, which helps me maintain a strong sense of myself outside of my children. I’ve found I’m less likely to be affected by the “supermama syndrome” when I’m working outside the home.

NHP: What made you realize that trying to do it all was not worth it?

BS: I used to have workaholic tendencies and learned the hard way what a one-dimensional focus can do to you—whether your focus is on work, your kids, or anything else. I experienced some of the symptoms of imbalance, such as exhaustion, health problems, and insomnia. Working on these issues, both with myself and with clients over the years, has convinced me that living a life in balance is the only way to live.

NHP: When you meet a mother for the first time, what are some clues to you that she is not a balanced mom?

BS: I can often see it in her demeanor or hear it in her voice. She tends to be lethargic or negative. She talks about where she’s been with her kids and where she has to go next or about other problems in her life. She doesn’t talk about her joy, her own fulfillment, or about the excellent care she is taking of herself.

NHP: What is the first suggestion that you make to an overscheduled mom to help her achieve balance in her life?

BS: Slow down! Get some quiet time in your days, every day. You have to have quiet to know who you are. And you have to learn to live authentically, based on your own values and your own priorities, rather than what everyone else is doing. If you keep going full throttle, you can’t live with balance.

NHP: What are the main keys to balance and self-fulfillment for mothers?

BS: Make a highest-priority list. Include all of the important areas of life such as: quality time with your children and your spouse or partner; quiet time; self-care; work or other fulfilling activities; spiritual time; and don’t forget time for some fun!

Study how you spend your time and take out lower priorities to make room for what is on your highest-priority list. Say no to everything else. You’ve got one shot at this life. Make it a good one!

Clarify your values and make sure they are reflected in your priorities.

Share the load with your family. Your kids benefit from learning to become responsible, self-sufficient individuals. Your spouse or partner benefits from living with a wife who isn’t completly depleted.

End the micro-mommy madness. Take a step back and let your kids make some of their own decisions and experience the consequences. Limit their activities, which allows them essential down time and gives all of you some space to live a more balanced, rewarding life.

NHP: Please explain the idea of the micro-mommy.

Micro-mommying is hyperfocusing on your children, at the expense of your own needs and at the expense of allowing them to learn their own life lessons. It is so common that mothers are often not aware they are doing it and it feels “normal.”

NHP: How does having a mother who is a micro-mommy affect a child?

BS: When we micro-manage our kids, we deny them the opportunity to take risks and to celebrate their successes and learn from their mistakes. We also limit their ability to explore and learn about who they really are. My book shows you how to take a step back and give your kids the tools they need to develop fully and value themselves—while, at the same time, you continue to develop and value yourself.

NHP: Let’s talk about the so-called “mommy wars.” Do they exist, and how do they influence how women parent these days?

BS: I do think there is a lot of judgment between stay-at-home moms and moms who work outside the home. We need to recognize that until we walk in another’s shoes, and we never will, we can’t judge them. There is no single way to be a great mom or to balance it all. It’s important that we focus on working out what’s best for us and our own families and honor others with the opportunity to do the same.

NHP: In your professional experience, are stay-at-home moms more susceptible to being frazzled supermamas?

BS: If moms who work outside the home do work that fulfills them, I cautiously answer “yes” to this question. I think that because there is often not an outside source of fulfillment for stay-at-home moms, and because of the current micro-mommy pressures in our society, it’s very easy to get lost in your children. Moms often give up too much of themselves and forget who they are as dynamic individuals—outside of motherhood, caretaking, or housekeeping.

NHP: What are some tips for working mothers who worry about successfully balancing family and a career?

BS: You need to know that even though you work, and that takes time away from your children, you still need to create some time for quiet, for exercise, for your spouse or partner, and for having some fun! Additionally, you want to get in some consistent quality time with your children. This means you need to really study how you spend your time, protect your highest priorities in your weekly schedule, and say no to everything else. Ignore what you think the elusive “everyone else” is doing and let your own values and priorities guide you.

NHP: In a nutshell, what do you want moms to take away from The Balanced Mom?

BS: I want moms to fully understand that they can be both fabulous moms and amazing, dynamic individuals. It is not only possible, it’s essential. In turn, everyone in the family benefits from your vitality, your energy, and your happiness!