The Need to Please
Mindfulness Skills to Gain Freedom from People Pleasing and Approval Seeking
Published by: New Harbinger Publications
Imprint: New Harbinger Publications
Do you have a hard time saying no to others, no matter how outrageous their requests? If so, you might be a chronic people-pleaser. Unfortunately, because we live in a society that praises putting the needs of others before ourselves, it can be difficult to break this bad habit. And while thinking of others is always commendable, there is a fine line between sacrifice and senseless approval seeking.
In The Need to Please, a leading mindfulness expert and psychotherapist provides compassionate, mindfulness-based techniques that will help chronic people-pleasers like you address and overcome your fears of failure, inappropriate self-sacrificing, loss of personal identity, and voracious need of approval. In addition, you will learn to put an end to the codependent behaviors that lie at the heart of being a people-pleaser.
Change is hard—especially when it means going against years of social conditioning. But if you’re ready to “Just Say No,” to others’ demands and start saying, “Yes” to your own needs, this book can help.
You can find out more about these mindfulness techniques at www.livingmindfully.org.
"Our deepest disappointment is not living true to ourselves. Drawing from both western psychology and mindfulness teachings, Micki Fine shines a clear light on our habits of seeking approval, and offers meditations that free us to live from our own natural compassion and intelligence.”
—Tara Brach, PhD, author of Radical Acceptance and True Refuge
"The Need to Please is an important book. It reveals the pain of leaving yourself and looking for love in all the wrong places. You will discover that all you've been longing for is within you—that it was never outside of you. May this wise book with its practices of mindfulness and compassion guide you into your heart."
—Bob Stahl, PhD, coauthor of A Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction Workbook, Living with Your Heart Wide Open, and Calming the Rush of Panic
"This impressive book describes how the practice of mindfulness can bring new awareness to moments of acquiescence that are driven by fear, self-doubt, or rejection. Written with kindness and sensitivity, it provides an experientially grounded road map for recovering elements of true worth and inner strength that can inform a more authentic approach to interpersonal encounters.”
—Zindel V. Segal, author of The Mindful Way through Depression and professor of psychology at the University of Toronto
“With clarity and skill, Micki Fine’s book deepens understanding by illuminating the root causes of the struggle and anxiety associated with needing to please, and step-by-step, engages the reader in a path of discovery and freedom through the practice of mindfulness and kindness.”
—Florence Meleo-Meyer, MS, MA, director at the Oasis Institute for Professional Training and Education at the Center for Mindfulness, University of Massachusetts Medical School
“This wonderful and practical book will help you release your dependence on others' approval and find the self-acceptance and kindness you actually need.”
—Kristin Neff, author of Self-Compassion
“The Need to Please is a step-by-step guide that shows how to progress at your own pace, toward your own specific goals, in ways that are most comfortable and useful to you. Readers will develop a deeper love for themselves and others, as well as a more peaceful and fulfilled life experience. Give it a try—you won’t be disappointed!”
—Linda Bell, PhD, professor of communication and family health, Indiana University, and a mindfulness-based family systems therapist and supervisor
“This beautiful book is truly precious for all of us who have been caught in the trance of unworthiness and felt that we needed to become pleasing in order to be loved or even tolerable. Fine offers us a way to dispel this trance and discover peace, love, and happiness in our lives just as we are.”
—Steve Flowers, MFT, author of The Mindful Path through Shyness and coauthor of Living with Your Heart Wide Open
“Why The Need to Please? Because we assume life begins someplace other than where we are right now. And we've swallowed the notion that we, in this moment, are not enough. Fine gives us the permission to pause and be mindful and gentle with ourselves and embrace the ordinary and extraordinary riches—beauty, compassion, generosity, creativity, and meaning—inside each one us. It's a gift to read. It's a gift to give.”
—Terry Hershey, author of The Power of Pause and Soul Gardening