Single, Shy, and Looking for Love
A Dating Guide for the Shy and Socially Anxious
Published by: New Harbinger Publications
Imprint: New Harbinger Publications
What if he thinks I’m not good looking enough? What if she thinks I’m boring? What if I can’t think of anythingto talk about? When it comes to dating, most people have had these thoughts and fears at some point. The truth is that going on a date can be downright nerve-wracking—and if you suffer from shyness or social anxiety, it is especially so. So how can you stay calm, cool, and collected as you set out on the search for the perfect mate?
Single, Shy, and Looking for Love presents mindfulness, acceptance, and values-based techniques from acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) to help shy singles like you get “in the game,” cope with the anxiety and fear that can arise on a date, and go on to create long-lasting, intimate relationships. By learning to stay focused in the present moment, you’ll arm yourself against the catastrophic thoughts that cause you to buckle under pressure. And by connecting with your own core values, you’ll gain a greater understanding of yourself and what you ultimately want in a romantic partner.
Confidence is often considered one of the most attractive qualities a man or woman can have, and social confidence will take you far—not only in love, but in life as well. If you’re ready to stop being a wallflower and start putting yourself out there, this book will give you the skills you need to get back in the dating game and find the love you deserve.
“With Shannon Kolakowski's empathic guidance you will learn to accept and love yourself—including your anxiety and shyness. Furthermore, you will develop new skills that will help you find love. If you are shy or socially anxious and want a loving relationship this is the book for you.”
—Michelle Skeen, PsyD, author of Love Me Don't Leave Me
“Dating is a process of deliberate exploration. At one level we are exploring human relationships, but at another level dating opens us up to the world within. It opens us up to our hopes, aspirations, and values, but it also opens us up to our fears, anxieties, and judgments.
In the normal mode of mind we often suppose that the difficult material in that second territory is merely something to be gotten rid of so we can get back to dating. This book takes a much different approach: that territory is worthy of attention and exploration. It is part of the very fabric of our emotional lives that we bring to relationships themselves. If you are interested in exploring human relationships, consider the possibility that you have a much larger territory to explore as part of that very process. This gentle and wise book will show you how.”
—Steven C. Hayes, PhD, Foundation Professor and Director of Clinical Training at the University of Nevada and author of Get Out of Your Mind and Into Your Life
“Shannon Kolakowski’s book will be the first book I recommend to people who are single, shy, and looking for love. She really understands the fears of socially anxious people and how terrifying dating can be for them. Each chapter is filled with illustrative stories, questionnaires, and exercises that bring readers to a compassionate view of their dating fears and concerns and arms them with everything they need to start the dating process. It was a pleasure reviewing Kolakowski’s new book. She is a very talented psychologist and a great writer.”
—Deborah Khoshaba, PsyD, clinical psychologist specializing in resilience, personal growth, and health; director of program development and training for the Hardiness Institute; author of several books on the hardiness approach to stress management and resilience; founder of the popular blog Psychology in Everyday Life; and writer for psychologytoday.com
“Take charge of your dating life. Single, Shy, and Looking for Love explains, in easy-to-understand language, how to approach shyness and social anxiety from a new and empowering perspective. Learn how to build the skills and confidence essential to dating success. Get ready to take those important first steps toward finding love.”
—Leah Klungness, Ph.D, psychologist and coauthor of The Complete Single Mother
“In Single, Shy, and Looking for Love, psychologist Shannon Kolakowski offers a thoughtful, evidence-based, readable, and practical book for those seeking love and partnered relationships who tend to be anxious and shy. She effectively uses best practices and the latest thinking about anxiety management to help those who are looking for love. Her book is full of practical suggestions, exercises, and wisdom to help those who may struggle with dating and finding the right mate. Kudos to Kolakowski for an excellent book that is bound to help many.”
—Thomas Plante, PhD, ABPP, Augustin Cardinal Bea, S.J. University Professor, director of the Spirituality and Health Institute at Santa Clara University, and author of Religion, Spirituality, and Positive Psychology: Understanding the Psychological Fruits of Faith, Sexual Abuse in the Catholic Church: A Decade of Crisis, 2002-2012, and Spiritual Practices in Psychotherapy: Thirteen Tools for Enhancing Psychological Health
"Shannon Kolakowski demonstrates that there’s no need to feel powerless in dating. Single, Shy, and Looking for Love will help both women and men identify the source of dating anxiety, and it offers real strategies for getting out there and finding love. This excellent book contains powerful techniques for mastering shyness and focusing instead on dating strategies that work. If anxiety is keeping you from finding the love of your life, please read this book. It might just change your life.”
—Shawn T. Smith, PsyD, clinical psychologist and author of The User’s Guide to the Human Mind and The Woman’s Guide to How Men Think