The Heart of the Fight
A Couple's Guide to Fifteen Common Fights, What They Really Mean, and How They Can Bring You Closer
Published by: New Harbinger Publications
Imprint: New Harbinger Publications
Every couple fights—it’s how you fight that can determine the success of your relationship. This book teaches you to look beyond what you and your partner fight about, and discover the core issues that undermine your relationship.
In the midst of a disagreement, many couples ask themselves, “What are we really fighting about?” Sound familiar? As it turns out, breakups and divorce don’t happen because couples fight, they happen because of how couples fight. In this much-needed book, Judith and Bob Wright—two married counselors and coaches with over thirty years of experience helping couples learn how to fight well—present their tried-and-true methods for exploring the emotions that underlie many relationship fights.
In this unique guide, you’ll learn how to use disagreements as an opportunity to deepen your understanding of your partner, bring more intimacy to the relationship, strengthen your bond, and really learn from the conflicts and tensions that occur between you. You’ll also learn how to navigate the fifteen most common fights couples have, including “the blame game,” “dueling over dollars,” “If you really loved me, you’d…,” “told-you-so’s,” and more.
If you’re ready to start fighting for your love, rather than against it, this book will show you how.
“The Heart of the Fight is an inspirational and eye-opening wake-up call for anyone who wants to create authentic, thriving relationships. From friendships to business relationships to spouses, this book provides great tools for relationships that really work. The book challenges the status quo and opens our eyes to a whole new way of looking at something.”
—Jack Canfield, coauthor of the New York Times #1 best-selling book series Chicken Soup for the Soul
“I have known the Wrights for years and have always been impressed by their grounded approach to relationship and life. They bring an unusual blend of practicality and integrity to their cutting-edge work that eschews simple answers. Their groundbreaking method and research should take its place as simply the most practical, effective approach to maximizing couple and individual potential and satisfaction.”
—Barnet Bain, film director of Milton’s Secret, producer of What Dreams May Come, and author of The Book of Doing and Being
“The Heart of the Fight by Judith and Bob Wright is one of those books that is based on good social scientific evidence, the authors’ own and others’ research, and yet is written in a lively enough prose style that couples who need the advice will actually enjoy reading it.”
—Barbara J. Risman,PhD, fellow at the Center for Advanced Study in the Behavioral Sciences, professor of sociology at the University of Illinois at Chicago, vice-president of the American Sociological Association, president of the Southern Sociological Society, and president of the board of the Council on Contemporary Families
“Judith and Bob Wright draw upon thirty years of research into couples, relationships, and human behavior, as well as their own long marriage, to tell an eye- and heart-opening truth: the conflicts we think we should avoid in our relationships are exactly where we have to go in order to achieve the genuine connection, intimacy, and mutual growth we want in our relationships. This is the must-have manual for lasting and meaningful relationships.”
—Patricia Crisafulli, best-selling author, and founder of www.faithhopeandfiction.com
“At last, here’s a brilliant manual for couples that really works. The secret: based on their extensive counseling of couples, Bob and Judith Wright explain why ‘great relationships require great fights.’ Don’t stop fighting, but learn from the Wrights how to fight properly and creatively while you battle your way to bliss. … If you feel your daily relationship is like going over Niagara Falls without a barrel, it’s time to get to calmer waters by fighting hard while fighting clean. This book will show you how.”
—Larry Kirshbaum, former CEO of Time Warner Book Group, and literary agent
“The best relationships, from friends to dates to partners, are the ones where we are willing to deeply engage. The Wrights have put together a breakthrough guide that teaches how to develop the relationship muscles we all need by engaging rather than avoiding.”
—Sonia Choquette, New York Times best-selling author of The Answer is Simple
“I know the Wrights and have seen their work. I’ve spoken with their students and been impressed by the vitality, clarity, and forthrightness of their interactions. We have discussed their research and I am consistently impressed by the solidity of their approach and the fact that they practice what they preach. What they are saying in The Heart of the Fight is grounded in years of experience and success. Don’t miss this opportunity to understand the basic elements and finer points of relationship success.”
—Brad Anderson, former CEO of Best Buy
“The Heart of the Fight is the first book I’ve ever read and loved this much that gives couples practical advice for reframing conflicts in ways that strengthen their ability to stay married forever! I was mesmerized with their new terminology for conflict and with their universally appealing ways to unlock and sustain healthy neurochemistry—even through rocky challenges that might normally take couples down paths of no return when conflict and crisis emerge. Heading into my forty-sixth year of marriage, I found some new and beautiful suggestions for ensuring that the strength of healthy conversations with my husband prevails. This is a must-read book for all couples ready to get married, or in a marriage they want to keep for life!”
—Judith E. Glaser, author of Conversational Intelligence; CEO of Benchmark Communications, Inc.; and chairman of The CreatingWE Institute
“I love this book! Bob and Judith offer the best program I’ve seen for using the conflict that inevitably arises in marriage to help a couple create more intimacy. This is a must-read for anyone in a relationship or thinking about getting in a relationship.”
—Cynthia Kersey, visionary and global humanitarian, founder and CEO of Unstoppable Foundation, and best-selling author of Unstoppable
“Lovers hate conflicts. Employees hate conflicts. Your pets hate conflicts. … But conflicts—and the fighting that ensues—are unavoidable, and the more deeply you love someone, or want to love someone, the more fights you are going to have. … But if you fight fairly, with love within your heart, your intimacy will prosper. Judith and Bob Wright will show you the ‘right’ and ‘wrong’ way to fight, making this a rare and valuable book for every couple and spouse.”
—Mark Waldman, executive MBA faculty at Loyola Marymount University, and coauthor of How Enlightenment Changes Your Brain