The Jealousy Cure
Learn to Trust, Overcome Possessiveness, and Save Your Relationship
Published by: New Harbinger Publications
Imprint: New Harbinger Publications
"The Jealousy Cure unlocks the positive power of jealousy for happy relationships."
"Solid counsel for those whose relationships are plagued by jealousy and the individuals it targets."
—Library Journal starred review
Could jealousy be a positive thing? In this groundbreaking book, Robert L. Leahy—author of the hugely popular self-help guide, The Worry Cure—invites you to gain a greater understanding of your jealous feelings, keep jealousy from hijacking your life, and create healthier relationships.
We’ve all heard tales of the overly jealous spouse or significant other. Maybe we’ve even been that jealous person, though we may not want to admit it. It’s hard to imagine anyone sailing through life without either having feelings of jealousy or being the target of someone’s jealousy. But what if jealousy isn’t just a neurotic weakness? What if it signals that your relationship matters to you? In short—what if jealousy serves a purpose?
In The Jealousy Cure, renowned psychologist Robert L. Leahy takes a more nuanced approach to tackling feelings of jealousy. In this compelling book, you’ll uncover the evolutionary origins of jealousy, and how and why it’s served to help us as a species. You’ll also learn practices based in emotional schema theory, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT), and mindfulness to help you overcome the shame jealousy can bring, improve communication with your partner, and ultimately make room for jealousy while also making your relationship more meaningful. You will learn that confronting jealousy in your relationship does not have to be a catastrophe, but can redirect you and your partner to build more trust, acceptance, and connection.
We often feel jealous because we fear losing the things or people that matter to us the most. With this insightful guide, you’ll discover how jealousy can both help and hurt your relationship, and learn proven-effective skills to keep jealousy in its place.
This book has been selected as an Association for Behavioral and Cognitive Therapies Self-Help Book Recommendation— an honor bestowed on outstanding self-help books that are consistent with cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) principles and that incorporate scientifically tested strategies for overcoming mental health difficulties. Used alone or in conjunction with therapy, our books offer powerful tools readers can use to jump-start changes in their lives.
Part I: About the Passion of Jealousy
1. The Evolution of Competitive Emotions 9
2. Is Jealousy a Problem for You? 21
3. Attachment and Commitment 29
Part II: How Jealousy Becomes a Problem
4. Hijacked by the Jealous Mind 49
5. Jealous Strategies That Drive Your Partner Away 75
Part III: Turning Jealousy Around
6. Stepping Back to Observe and Accept 93
7. Living with Your Thoughts 109
8. Talking Back to Your Jealousy 131
9. Putting Jealousy in Context 157
10. Solving It Together 167
11. Getting Past the Past to Overcome
Retrospective Jealousy 189
12. “It’s Complicated”—Getting Past Infidelity 205
Concluding Reflections 225
~Library Journal Starred Review
"In his newest book, Leahy (The Worry Cure) reveals that jealousy can be a positive feeling when it causes people to reflect on their relationships. But it can also hijack a person’s mind and drive one’s partner away. Using a combination of cognitive-behavioral therapy, acceptance and commitment therapy, and mindfulness techniques to encourage healthy relationships, Leahy first details the strategies that don’t work (e.g., interrogation, accusations, looking for clues) and then guides readers through evaluating and talking back to jealous thoughts. Leahy concludes with a section on how couples can work together to find acceptable solutions. VERDICT Solid counsel for those whose relationships are plagued by jealousy and the individuals it targets."
—Library Journalstarred review
"The Jealousy Cure unlocks the positive power of jealousy for happy relationships. Every feeling has a positive and a negative side, and jealousy is no different. Robert Leahy, a well-known psychologist and author, offers keys to using jealousy to build relationships, not tear them down. Rather than denying jealousy or condemning it, this book views jealousy as a signal that a relationship is important and requires investment. This nuanced approach helps committed, long-term relationships flourish rather than stagnate in hurt or end in heartbreak.The book draws from a wide array of therapeutic vantage points, including cognitive behavior therapy and emotional schema theory, giving profound insights into how to address the deep roots of emotional and relational problems. It shows that the path to healing starts inside and moves outward, beginning with the individual and not completed without communication and cooperation as a couple. ... Leahy’s tone is positive and empowering but far from Pollyannaish. He tackles the toughest relationship hurdles, including infidelity, and affirms difficult feelings and circumstances without brushing them aside. Without condemning anyone, the book does not let people off the hook for their own mistakes; it calls each person to account for the hard work of pursuing healthy relationships. ... Real-life examples make the book easy to relate to and make abstract ideas vivid, clear, and practical, showcasing the depth of Leahy’s experience and the prevalence of jealousy in relationships."~Foreword Reviews
“Within this book, Robert Leahy, a renowned world leader in our field, illuminates the complex burdens of this universal emotion of jealousy within a love relationship. He then points the way out of this tumultuous storm of thoughts and feelings by offering clear, specific, and practical steps. This is by far the best self-help book for people with jealousy that I have ever read.”~Reid Wilson, PhD
—Reid Wilson, PhD, author of Stopping the Noise in Your Head
“In The Jealousy Cure, Robert Leahy has provided the reader with a comprehensive understanding of jealousy. ... Leahy, through interactive, fun exercises, helps the reader identify and understand their jealousy. Based on the tried-and-true principles of cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), Leahy then equips the reader to address their jealousy so that problematic behaviors and tormenting thoughts and feelings can be reduced. This highly informative and valuable resource will be an essential resource to both those in clinical practice and individuals struggling with jealously.”~Leslie Sokol, PhD
—Leslie Sokol, PhD, coauthor of Think Confident, Be Confident; Think Confident, Be Confident for Teens; and The Think Confident, Be Confident Workbook for Teens
“Do you have a jealousy problem? Does it interfere with your relationship? Are you consumed with jealous thoughts and jealous feelings? Do you wish you could decrease your suffering? If so, you need this book! Robert Leahy clearly expresses why we feel jealous, he normalizes this intense experience, and he explains how our emotions and our thinking get highjacked. Then he details what to do. He teaches the reader how to detach from jealous thoughts and disengage from unhelpful behavior. He offers tools for coping with jealousy and various strategies to solve problems that it causes in relationships. The Jealousy Cure will help individuals who suffer from jealousy and those who are in relationships with jealous partners. As a stand-alone book or an accompaniment to therapy, The Jealousy Cure is very well written and quite interesting (even if you don’t have a jealousy problem). Most of all, it provides essential skills for couples who need to improve their relationships.”~Judith S. Beck, PhD
—Judith S. Beck, PhD, president of the Beck Institute for Cognitive Behavior Therapy
“In his latest book, Robert Leahy—acclaimed psychologist and author of The Worry Cure—offers a creative and penetrating, yet hopeful, perspective on jealousy; one of the most misunderstood and highly destructive human emotions. Based on decades of psychotherapy experience and a unique adaptation of the cognitive behavioral approach to emotion, this well-researched, thought-provoking, and practical therapeutic manual provides valuable strategies that can liberate those inflicted with the self-defeating effects of pathological jealousy. Couples caught up in the jealousy vortex will discover wise counsel offered with sensitivity and compassion, making this a must-read for those seeking answers for tormented intimate partners.”~David A. Clark, PhD, LPsych
—David A. Clark, PhD, LPsych, professor emeritus at the University of New Brunswick, Canada; author of The Anxious Thoughts Workbook; and coauthor of The Anxiety and Worry Workbook
- ABCT Self-Help Book Recommendation