Stop Overthinking Your Relationship
Break the Cycle of Anxious Rumination to Nurture Love, Trust, and Connection with Your Partner
Published by: New Harbinger Publications
Imprint: New Harbinger Publications
200 Pages, 6.00 x 9.00 in
- Published: September 2022
It’s time to stop overthinking your relationship! The four-step approach in this book will help you move beyond excessive rumination, so you can rediscover joy, ease, and meaningful connection with your partner.
Rumination—obsessive thinking about an idea, situation, or choice that can interfere with normal life—is a common and destructive issue that can negatively impact romantic relationships, whether you’re just starting out or have been in a committed relationship for years. If you overthink your relationship and get stuck in cycles of anxiety, blame, or doubt, your negative thinking and judgments about your partner may be unfounded, unwanted, and may even threaten to tear apart an otherwise healthy relationship. You may feel anxious, worried, hopeless, and frustrated, but even if you know your overthinking is a problem, it can be seriously hard to stop.
In Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, certified couples therapist Alicia Muñoz draws from cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT) and mindfulness to offer an effective, four-step approach to reduce rumination and change negative thinking patterns. By understanding both your own unique attachment style—as well as your partner’s—you’ll learn how to communicate more effectively, meet each other’s needs, and focus on what really matters in your relationship.
Using the SLOW approach, you’ll learn how to:
- See rumination in process
- Label your rumination cycle
- Open yourself and make space
- Welcome blocked experiences
This powerful blend of evidence-based psychology and practical guidance will help you overcome the unwanted thoughts and rumination that get in the way of trust and authenticity in your relationship. The book also includes individual and shared exercises, so you can “choose your own adventure” by working with the techniques alone, with your partner, or using a combination of both.
By practicing the exercises in this user-friendly book, you’ll learn how to stop overthinking your relationship and discover a newfound sense of security, confidence, and wholeness—both as an individual and as part of a couple.
“If you ever feel like you are drowning in the negative cycles of your own thought, this is the book for you. Alicia Muñoz provides a detailed description of this debilitating phenomenon, and an equally detailed description of the process of moving from rumination to engagement and connection. We recommend a careful reading and practice of the liberating processes.”~Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD
—Harville Hendrix, PhD, and Helen LaKelly Hunt, PhD, coauthors of Getting the Love You Want
“Alicia Muñoz is a true artist—in how she sees the nuances of relationships and in how she helps readers address the complexities in simple yet effective ways. It doesn’t hurt that she draws us in with writing that’s at once compassionate, direct, and utterly engaging.”~Livia Kent, MFA
—Livia Kent, MFA, editor in chief of Psychotherapy Networker
“Relationship rumination is an unrecognized issue and a major problem in couples therapy, and this book gives a clear map to see a way through. Alicia Muñoz’s SLOW process is easy to follow and makes intimacy an adventure. Everyone contemplating a relationship should read this book, and every therapist trying to help couples out of conflict and into a loving connection needs to know these exercises.”~Tammy Nelson, PhD
—Tammy Nelson, PhD, TEDx speaker, and author of Open Monogamy
“Muñoz describes the pervasiveness of overthinking, outlines its destructive nature between partners, and offers tools to replace overthinking with presence. Rumination’s devastation often unfolds because people are unaware of these tendencies, and this book gently invites the reader to consider their own origins of rumination. She outlines the SLOW strategy of seeing, labeling, opening, and welcoming as an effective alternative to rumination. This is a must-read for everyone in a relationship!”~Lori Brotto, PhD
—Lori Brotto, PhD, Canada Research Chair in women’s sexual health, and professor at the University of British Columbia
“This tender, insightful, and well-written book will help you recognize and break the habit of overthinking—‘the cheapest and most accessible mind-altering substance’ there is. Alicia’s profound practice of SLOW (seeing, labeling, opening, and welcoming) is a concrete tool to help couples reduce their anxiety by helping them understand their internal experiences rather than defending against them. This practice will transform your relationships and your own well-being.”~Jillian Pransky
—Jillian Pransky, author of Deep Listening
“It’s so hard to accept that our thoughts about our partner are often neither true nor helpful. Blending research, practical advice, and case studies, Alicia Muñoz shows how you can deal with these blaming, worrying, doubting, controlling, or self-pitying ruminations. She offers readers practical, inspiring guidance through the SLOW technique and other tools to enable them to reap the benefits of connection, healthy boundaries, and safety in love.”~Gleb Tsipursky, PhD
—Gleb Tsipursky, PhD, cutting-edge expert in relationship science; and author of the global best seller, The Blindspots Between Us
“If you’ve ever experienced the ways that incessant worrying can erode the foundation of a relationship or undermine your self-confidence, then you’ll appreciate Alicia Muñoz’s straightforward guide to slowing down, reconnecting to yourself and others, and finally resolving whatever might be causing your anxious mind to go into overdrive. Those thoughts will become a gift—once you learn how to unwrap them and use what’s inside to reclaim your power.”~Neil Sattin
—Neil Sattin, host of the Relationship Alive podcast
“Many clients struggle with rumination and making up stories about themselves and their partners, which ultimately undermines their relationships and well-being. With many helpful analogies, client examples, and concrete exercises, this is a very accessible handbook to help couples move through these deteriorating patterns. Instead of allowing anxiety and the illusion of control to run relationships, Alicia Muñoz deftly teaches how to build relationships based on choice, clarity, emotional availability, awareness, and teamwork.”~Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD
—Jennifer Gunsaullus, PhD, sociologist, intimacy coach, international speaker, and author of From Madness to Mindfulness
“Once again, Alicia Muñoz delivers on her promise to help us bring more care and awareness to our intimate relationships. In Stop Overthinking Your Relationship, she skillfully and wisely unpacks one of the most pervasive, pernicious, and poorly understood problems in relationships—destructive, ruminative, out-of-control thinking. Readers will see themselves on these pages and benefit immensely from her brilliance and generosity.”~Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD
—Alexandra H. Solomon, PhD, professor and licensed clinical psychologist at Northwestern University, author of Loving Bravely and Taking Sexy Back, and host of the Reimagining Love podcast
“Anxiety and overthinking cloud the lens through which we view and experience our relationships, often fueling disconnection and challenges that, left unchecked, become increasingly difficult to overcome. In this book, Alicia Muñoz blends her expertise and vast experience to peel back the curtain on anxious overthinking, illustrate the overt and nuanced ways it affects relationships, and, importantly, she shares tools and practices that reveal a clear path to more understanding, connection, and love.”~Jodi Richardson, PhD
—Jodi Richardson, PhD, international anxiety and well-being speaker; best-selling author of Anxious Kids and Anxious Mums; and host of the podcast, Well, hello anxiety
“Alicia Muñoz’s Stop Overthinking Your Relationship highlights the problem of relationship rumination—and charts a path toward healthier relationships.... Muñoz knows that this kind of change takes courage. Her friendly approach is vital: she portrays a persistent belief in positive change. The result is the compelling gift through which both partners will be able to be themselves, making relationship growth an adventure.”~Foreword Reviews