Kindness is love in action. That means intentionally and sincerely making kindness part of your daily life—even when you might not feel like it. You may find yourself grumpy or disillusioned, tired or sad, or any of the irritating emotional traps we can find ourselves in because we are human, after all. Authentic kindness is both natural and courageous because it requires us to connect with others. And this requires effort. Otherwise, you may feel stuck, lonely, or hardhearted over time.
When we say that a treatment method is “evidence-based,” we mean that it is backed up by objective, scientific evidence that proves it is effective, so evidence-based methods keep us in the lineage of the scientific method. Basically, we can’t trust what we think is true or effective, so we must do real-world scientific testing to verify that the method being used is leading to the results we think we see.
Certainly no one picks a self-absorbed narcissist as a love interest intentionally, but because narcissists are so charming at the beginning of a relationship, anyone can be taken in. Once the charm fades, as it always does with a narcissist, many people end the relationship. But there are some who continually fall victim to the narcissist’s charm and stay in the relationship long after the charm has faded and the critical, controlling, and self-serving behaviors take its place. Why?
Ellis Edmunds, PsyD, developed an acceptance and commitment therapy (ACT) board game called the Mindful Bus. (The “passengers on the bus” is a well-used ACT metaphor, but we’ll get to that later.) The game can be played with therapists and their clients, with couples, with friends, or family. New Harbinger visited Ellis’ Oakland office to play the game and learn more about it.
I’d barely pulled out of the gas station into busy Friday afternoon traffic when the rental van stalled and wouldn’t restart. Cars honked their horns as I blocked a lane until finally someone helped push me to the side of the road.