By Debra Kissen, PhD, coauthor of The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids
My coauthors and I wrote The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids to provide parents of anxious children and professionals like you with creative, hands-on tools that make addressing anxiety more approachable for children. By guiding children through this anxiety-busting journey, you’re not only helping them face their fears, but also teaching them skills that foster resilience, build confidence, and equip them with lifelong coping strategies.
Anxiety in children often behaves like an overly protective guard dog—one that barks loudly even when there’s no real danger. The key to effective treatment is helping children understand how to “train” this anxious guard dog to stay calm when it misinterprets safe situations as threatening. Below are ten techniques, adapted from The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids, designed to help children work through their anxiety in a fun and engaging way.
1. Get to Know the Anxiety Guard Dog: Encourage children to externalize their anxiety by imagining it as a guard dog. Have them name, draw, and describe this dog. Whether their guard dog is big and fluffy or small and jumpy, giving it a persona makes anxiety easier to manage. This exercise helps children shift from feeling overwhelmed by anxiety to understanding it as something outside of themselves they can influence and train.
2. Translate the Bark: Children often struggle to articulate their fears. By teaching them to become “Bark Translators,” they can learn to interpret what their anxiety guard dog is really saying. Encourage them to identify specific worries—are they feeling anxious about a test, social interactions, or an unfamiliar situation? Helping them name their fears begins to break down anxiety, making it less overpowering.
3. Your Body on Fear: Many children experience physical symptoms of anxiety but may not connect them to their emotional state. Teach them to identify how anxiety shows up in their body, such as nausea or a racing heart. Encouraging them to ask, “Is there really something bad happening, or is this just my guard dog having a false alarm?” can help them recognize these physical sensations as part of their anxiety response, giving them a sense of control over how they choose to react.
4. Danger vs. False Alarm: Help children distinguish between real danger and a false alarm triggered by their anxiety. This technique teaches them to pause and evaluate whether their guard dog is barking because there’s truly something to be cautious about, or if it’s just being overly protective. Guiding them to say, “Thank you for trying to protect me, but I’m safe,” empowers them to manage anxious thoughts more effectively.
5. Training the Guard Dog with Relaxation Techniques: Relaxation exercises like slow, deep breathing can be powerful tools to help children calm their guard dog when it barks unnecessarily. By teaching children how to calm their bodies, they signal to their minds—and their guard dog—that the coast is clear. These techniques help them feel grounded in moments of anxiety, and can be easily incorporated into daily routines or used in high-stress situations.
6. Practice Gradual Exposure to Fears: As with training a real dog, consistent practice is critical when helping children develop healthy coping habits. Gradual exposure to anxiety-inducing situations helps children build tolerance and resilience. Encouraging them to take small steps to face their fears allows their brains to adjust to the idea that these situations aren’t as dangerous as they once believed. With each step, their confidence grows, and their anxiety guard dog becomes more relaxed.
7. Create a Brave Prize Wish List: Motivating children to face their fears can be enhanced by creating a reward system. Have them create a “Brave Prize Wish List” that sets up parent-approved incentives for facing their fears. These rewards serve as tangible reminders of their progress and provide something positive to look forward to after engaging with their anxiety.
8. Build a Brave Bank: Another way to reinforce brave behavior is through the creation of a “Brave Points Bank.” Each time a child faces a fear, they can deposit points into their bank. Over time, this visual representation of their bravery not only reinforces their accomplishments, but also motivates them to continue pushing through anxious moments. Brave points can be “cashed in” for special rewards, which further encourages them to tackle challenges head-on.
9. Make a Game of Getting It Wrong: Perfectionism often underlies anxiety, so it’s essential to help children learn that making mistakes is a natural part of life. You can introduce the “Get It Wrong” game, where you and the child take turns doing something incorrectly on purpose. This playful exercise helps children see that getting things wrong is not only okay, but can also be fun. This reduces the pressure to be perfect and teaches their anxiety guard dog that mistakes are nothing to fear.
10. Celebrate Success: Every milestone in the anxiety busting journey deserves recognition. Create a “Celebration Station” where children can mark their achievements, whether big or small. Celebrating these successes reinforces their progress and boosts their confidence, making it easier for them to continue managing their anxiety in the long run.
By incorporating these creative, child-friendly strategies into your therapeutic sessions, you’re equipping children with the tools they need to manage their anxiety effectively. The more they practice, the more well trained their Anxiety Guard Dog will be, leading to a calmer, more enjoyable and fun-packed life.
Debra Kissen, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, and CEO of the Light On Anxiety Treatment Centers. She is author of several books on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)-focused management of anxiety, worry, panic, and fear, including The Panic Workbook for Teens, Rewire Your Anxious Brain for Teens, and Break Free from Intrusive Thoughts.