Many of us became therapists because we are highly empathic people. Our empathy is an asset and a guide, but in the face of so much suffering it can also overwhelm us. Use these tips to protect yourself along the way:
1. During session: Self-soothe. Stay in the present using whatever tools you can access; perhaps you’ll touch the fabric on your chair or notice the weight of your pen. Notice your body’s experience and model this for the client: “When you said that, I could feel it right here, in my chest.” Breathe deeply, slowly, and (somewhat) obviously. Clients will often connect with the deep breathing you are doing. As you self-regulate, the message becomes: I acknowledge the weight of this, I can feel its heaviness, I can hold it, and so can you.
2. Between sessions: Shake it off—literally. After an animal “plays possum” to avoid danger, it stands up and shakes its entire body. Some theories suggest it is literally “shaking off” the trauma of the experience. As therapists sitting still and staying calm as we hold a client’s suffering, we can learn something from the possum! Take a moment to literally shake out your arms and legs after a session.
3. After sessions: Dial down the drama. Minimize unnecessary exposure to human suffering. Before I became a therapist, I loved a Law and Order marathon. Tear-jerking drama films? Yes, please! This isn’t true anymore. I am fully present with human suffering in my work, and I avoid it in my downtime. You know what you can handle, but be mindful of the impact of true crime, television dramas, and excessive news. Let yourself live on the lighter side of life.
Julie S. Kraft, MA, LMFT, is an award-winning author, and a licensed marriage and family therapist specializing in recovery from addiction, anxiety, depression, and challenging relationships. She was adjunct professor at the University of San Diego’s School of Leadership and Education Sciences until relocating to the San Francisco Bay Area in 2018. Julie is the coauthor of The Gift of Recovery. She has spoken at several addiction conferences and is a frequent guest on podcasts, but her greatest joy is treating clients in her private practice and seeing them find greater peace, joy, and fulfillment.
