By Claudia Black, PhD, MSW, author of Your Recovery, Your Life for Teens
As one young teen said, “I hated the taste, but I loved the glow. Alcohol and drugs helped me to get blithering-numb.”
Traumatic stress, be it developmental trauma or acute trauma, is often the precursor to an adolescent’s use of substances. The consequences of traumatic stress are the internalization of toxic shame, the belief they are not of value, and that there is something wrong with them. Their shame-based secrets along with self-shaming messages fuel a sense of hopelessness, believing they can’t change. And while they aren’t talking about this, they are using substances.
Common Traumas
Loss and Grief
A natural loss in this age group is a death within the family system or in the context of the addiction. A natural order of loss would to be to lose a grandparent, but I often work with a young person who has lost a parent or sibling due to illness or a catastrophic event. Even more so with the teen who is abusing substances, it is someone whose using buddies and/or friends died in accidents/ and even more so due to overdoses and suicides. The stories are horrific. It may be the eighteen-year-old who wakes up on the couch only to find that while she was passed out, her using partner died due to an overdose. Or, the young boy, who while driving under the influence, caused a car accident and his passenger—a childhood friend—died next to him as he lay injured in the wreckage. This grief is profound; it is complicated and traumatic.
Typically, these young people do not have the skills or the safety net of healthy support to move through the grief process.
Bullying
Bullying has been around for generations, usually in the form of verbal insults and humiliating actions directed toward those marginalized and perceived as different.
At one time, if someone was bullied at school they would of course still be upset when the bullying was over, but the actual event was over and behind them. Today, the bullying follows them wherever there is internet access. By the time it’s over, the bullying act, with video and comments, has gone viral—with people miles away and unknown to them engaging in behavior that taunts them.
Sexual Assault
One out of every four females and one out of every eight males is sexually abused in their growing-up years. This may be by someone within their family or outside of the home, but more than likely someone they know. Couple that with the fact that when they are using, the likelihood of sexual assault occurring substantially increases for both males and females. The assault could occur during a drug transaction. The young person may be intoxicated or high and unable to defend themselves. Or, they may be passed out and wake up to discover the remnants of what occurred.
Physical Abuse
Most of the young people I work with who have experienced physical abuse experienced it at the hands of someone within their family. We tend to think of physical abuse as hitting, but it also involves shoving, pinching, kicking, or slamming someone up against the wall until their teeth rattle. It may be a terrorizing car ride. It is often accompanied with abusive discipline such as locking a child in a closet.
Let me just say: a child that is being abused doesn’t stop loving its parents, he/she/they stops loving themself.
A more subtle but even more pervasive form of physical abuse is the trauma that comes with the witness factor—witnessing others being abused. The trauma exists within the helplessness and fear when being subjected to that which is emotionally overpowering.
Emotional Abandonment
This occurs with verbal abuse, name-calling, blaming, and severe criticizing. It is the result of broken promises, lying, and unpredictability. It occurs when parents:
- Are disappointed with you. They attack your worth and value versus what you did or did not do.
- Expect you to be an extension of themselves, fulfilling their dreams.
- Have unrealistic expectations, such as expecting a twelve-year-old to be able to behave and handle things as if they were an adult.
- Treat children as peers with no parent-child distinction.
- Reject a young person for who they are due to their sexual orientation and/or gender identity.
- Are perfectionistic or controlling, and place an excessively high value on outstanding performance, causing children to see anything less than perfection as failure. The consequence is that toxic message: “No matter what I do, it’s never good enough,” and in time that translates to “Who I am is not good enough.”
- Are absent. It could be due to their work, their own use of substances, mental health struggles, or simply being preoccupied with something other than parenting.
It doesn’t take much for alcohol and other drugs to become a quick solution.
Important Steps in Working with This Client:
Create a safe space for them to recognize their traumas.
Help them make a connection to the role of trauma’s influence in their use of substances.
Help them identify self-defeating messages (cognitive distortions).
Engage them in shame-reduction skills.
Teach them emotional self-regulation and grounding techniques.
Develop a plan for countering triggering moments.
Conclusion
Addressing these underlying wounds is a significant step in helping these young people experience emotional recovery and prevent relapses. It helps them let go of their toxic beliefs about themselves, which can make living life clean and sober a far greater attraction.
Claudia Black, PhD, MSW, is a renowned addiction clinician, speaker, and trainer who is internationally recognized for her pioneering and contemporary work with addictive disorders. She has more than forty years’ experience working with young adult populations.
Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder or Complex PTSD?