By Debra Kissen, PhD, coauthor of The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids
My coauthors and I wrote The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids to offer parents a fun, hands-on approach to helping their children manage anxiety. By working through this anxiety-busting adventure with your child, you’re not only empowering them to face their fears, but also teaching them how to build resilience and confidence—while gaining a few skills you can apply to your own challenge zones as well.
You can think of your child’s anxiety as an overly protective guard dog. This dog loves them and wants to keep them safe, but sometimes it gets a little too worked up, barking even when there’s no real danger. The good news? You and your child can work together to teach this revved-up guard dog to calm down when it’s barking “DANGER,” even though they are safe and sound.
Here are ten tips, taken from The Anxiety Busting Workbook for Kids, to help your child play their way past anxiety:
1. Get To Know Your Anxiety Guard Dog: Encourage your child to get to know their Anxiety Guard Dog. Have them name, draw, and describe it. By doing this, your child externalizes their anxiety, making it easier to talk about and control. Whether their guard dog is big and fluffy or small and jumpy, they’ll learn how to train it to be calm and relaxed.
2. Translate the Bark: Teach your child to become a “Bark Translator,” and learn to interpret what their Anxiety Guard Dog is really saying. Are they feeling nervous about a test? Worried about a new experience? By naming the fear, they can start to break it down and realize that the bark is often louder than the problem itself.
3. Your Body on Fear: Teach your child how to identify how anxiety tends to show up in their body. By helping them recognize the early signs of stress and worry, they’ll become better at understanding their body’s signals. For example, they might notice a nauseous feeling when they’re scared. At that moment, encourage them to ask themselves, “Is there really something bad happening, or is this just my guard dog having a false alarm?” This simple question can help them decide whether or not to react, giving them more control over their anxious feelings and helping them to respond in a calmer, more mindful way.
4. Danger vs. False Alarm: Help your child determine whether their guard dog is barking because of something that truly requires caution, or if it’s just being overly protective. This activity teaches children to differentiate between real danger and false alarms, so they can react appropriately without letting their anxiety take over. When their Anxiety Guard Dog is barking without reason, encourage them to gently say, “Thank you for trying to protect me, but I’m actually safe right now.”
5. How to Train Your Anxiety Guard Dog to Calm Down: By teaching your child relaxation exercises, like slow breathing, they can learn how calming their body sends a signal to their Anxiety Guard Dog that “the coast is clear, and it’s safe to relax.” Slow, gentle breaths not only soothe their body but also send a message to their anxious mind that all is okay. This simple tool can help calm their guard dog in real time when anxiety strikes.
6. Practice Facing Fears in Small Steps: Just like training a real dog, your child’s Anxiety Guard Dog needs consistent practice to develop healthier habits. Encourage your child to face their fears in small, manageable steps through gradual exposure. By taking it one step at a time, they teach their brain that these situations aren’t as dangerous as they once believed. With each act of bravery, your child will learn that they’re stronger than their fears, and their Anxiety Guard Dog will start to relax, recognizing that they’re safe. This steady practice helps build confidence and turns anxious moments into opportunities for growth.
7. Make a Brave Prize Wish List: Incentives can be motivating! Create a “Brave Prize Wish List” with your child, allowing them to set (parent-approved) rewards for facing their fears. These rewards are tangible reminders of their progress, giving them something to look forward to and celebrate along the way.
8. Create a Brave Bank: Work with your child to build their very own Brave Points Bank. Each time they face a fear, they can “deposit” brave points into their bank, showing them that courage is a skill they can grow. This builds a sense of accomplishment and empowers them to take more brave steps. Plus, they can cash in their hard-earned brave points for something special.
9. Make a Game of Getting It Wrong: Teach your child that it’s better to live a perfectly imperfect life than to spend their whole life fearing mistakes. You can play the “Get It Wrong” game together by taking turns doing the task “wrong” on purpose, to show them that making mistakes is not only okay, but can also be fun! By actively practicing getting things wrong, your child will learn that mistakes aren’t something to be feared, and their Anxiety Guard Dog will start to relax, realizing that perfection isn’t necessary for happiness.
10. Celebrate Their Success: Every journey needs a celebration. The “Celebration Station” is all about recognizing your child’s bravery. As they work through their fears and learn to manage their Anxiety Guard Dog, take time to celebrate each win—big or small. These moments of joy will reinforce their progress and motivate them to keep going.
By guiding your child through these interactive and engaging activities, you’re helping them build essential skills to manage their anxiety. The more they practice, the quieter their Anxiety Guard Dog will become, allowing them to live with more calm and confidence. The journey may have bumps along the way, but every step forward counts—and each one brings them closer to a lifetime of emotional resilience.
Debra Kissen, PhD, is a clinical psychologist, and CEO of the Light On Anxiety Treatment Centers. She is author of several books on cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT)-focused management of anxiety, worry, panic, and fear, including The Panic Workbook for Teens, Rewire Your Anxious Brain for Teens, and Break Free from Intrusive Thoughts.