By Melanie McNally, PsyD, author of Helping Your Unmotivated Teen
When you think of motivation, what comes to mind? Take a moment to reflect on the following questions:
· How do you view motivation?
· What do you think motivates humans?
· How do you motivate yourself to do hard things?
· How do you motivate your teen to do hard things?
Many people have a strictly behavioral perspective on motivation; they think we’re motivated to do things that reward us and we’re less likely to do things that are punitive. But if it were that simple, teens would strive for high grades at school and would avoid doing things that they know would get them in trouble. They would always do their chores at home if there was an allowance attached, and wouldn’t steal their sibling’s clothes if it meant risking the loss of a privilege. The behavioral perspective includes self-determination theory, which states that other things motivate us as well, like autonomy, competence, and relatedness (Deci and Ryan 1985). In contrast, when there is excessive control, lack of challenge, or a lack of connection, motivation is significantly disrupted (Ryan and Deci 2000).
If your teen isn’t allowed to choose their project topic and instead has to do an assigned topic, they likely groan before even opening the laptop to research it. Or if the orchestra teacher has them playing the same songs repeatedly, ones you’ve heard your teen master long ago, it’s likely a struggle to get them to practice anymore. Perhaps you’ve noticed that your teen is less likely to practice their swing alone at the batting cages than when they get hitting practice with their team. You’ve seen the effect of autonomy, competence, and relatedness firsthand on your teen’s motivation. […]
Psychologists define motivation as “the impetus that gives purpose or direction to behavior and operates in humans at a conscious or unconscious level” (APA Dictionary). Typically, motivation is broken down into intrinsic (internal) motivators and extrinsic (external) motivators. […] While we each have unique things that provide us with intrinsic and extrinsic motivation, they all share the same foundation. Most people are intrinsically motivated by things they enjoy, are curious about, or find fun, while most people are extrinsically motivated by promotions, grades, rewards, or bonuses.
Many parents tend to view motivation solely through an extrinsic lens of reward and punishment. Give a privilege or special treat to get the behavior you want, take away a privilege or right when you see behavior you don’t want. While this type of motivational system can be highly effective at times, most parents don’t want to rely on it as the only mechanism for motivation. They want to see their teen motivated intrinsically, by their own passions, interests, and excitement.
Think of the last time you saw your teen genuinely excited about something—so excited that they required no reminders or push to do it. What were they doing? Don’t worry that your teen is only excited about screens, relationships, or shopping; we’ll sort that out in a bit. The point is, if your teen has something that they’re so excited about, no matter what it is, that they require little push from you to do it, they have intrinsic motivation. […]
Extrinsic motivators might lead your teen to the water, but intrinsic motivators will get them to swim. For example, your teen might pay only enough attention in physics class to keep from getting in trouble and get a decent grade, but until they’re intrinsically motivated, they’re unlikely to do much more. But maybe one day they get an assignment where they have to watch an action movie and dissect the fight scenes to prove how the actor’s movements are or aren’t possible—suddenly, your teen is curious about physics. They annoy everyone in the house as they prove how characters in video games don’t make sense or how the scenes in your favorite show couldn’t possibly happen. They’re talking about physics because they’re interested, not because of a grade or test.
Intrinsic motivators will keep your teen on track long after their friends lose interest in the same activity. They will help your teen stay focused, even on the days they feel apathetic or lost. You don’t have to fight with your teen to do the things that intrinsically motivate them—you might even find that you have to fight with them to stop! In other words, your teen is intrinsically motivated when they do what interests them purely for the enjoyment of the activity (Hektner and Csíkszentmihályi, 1996). There’s no external reward attached—or if there is, they’re not concerned with getting it.
The Components of Motivation
Steven Kotler is a writer and journalist who has dedicated his career to understanding and teaching people how to achieve peak performance. In his book The Art of Impossible, he contends that motivation encompasses three skillsets: drive, grit, and goals (Kotler 2021). […]
In brief, drive is made up of curiosity, passion, autonomy, mastery, and purpose (Pink 2009; Kotler 2021). Grit is our passion and perseverance for long-term goals (Duckworth 2016). Goals provide the road map for us to follow. When we integrate each of these elements into our behavior, we’re motivated to move forward.
PP. 2-6, Excerpt taken from Helping Your Unmotivated Teen
Citations:
Ryan, R. M., and E. L. Deci. 2000. “Self-Determination Theory and the Facilitation of Intrinsic Motivation, Social Development, and Well-Being.” American Psychologist 55(1): 68–78.
Hektner, J. M., and M. Csíkszentmihályi. 1996. “A Longitudinal Exploration of Flow and Intrinsic Motivation in Adolescents.” Paper presented at the Annual Meeting of the American Educational Research Association, New York, April.
Kotler, S. 2021. The Art of Impossible: A Peak Performance Primer. New York: Harper Wave.
Pink, D. H. 2009. Drive: The Surprising Truth About What Motivates Us. Prestonpans, GB: Canongate Books.
Duckworth, A. L., and D. S. Yeager. 2015. “Measurement Matters: Assessing Personal Qualities Other Than Cognitive Ability for Educational Purposes.” Educational Researcher 44: 237–251.
Melanie McNally, PsyD, is a licensed clinical psychologist and brain coach who helps adolescents build self-awareness and create authentic goals for a fulfilling future. She is a strong advocate for teen mental health, and has been a panelist at the White House, speaking about youth mental health needs. She is founder of Destination You, where adolescents and their parents can access support through virtual coaching and books. She is author of The Emotionally Intelligent Teen. She also speaks to audiences of all sizes about how to increase emotional intelligence and motivation in teens.
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