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The Assertiveness Guide for Women

The Assertiveness Guide for Women
How to Communicate Your Needs, Set Healthy Boundaries, and Transform Your Relationships




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ISBN: 9781626253377
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$17.95In Stock
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About the Book

Isn’t it time you took a stand? Many women struggle with assertiveness, but if you’re prone to anxiety and avoidance, it is especially difficult. Grounded in attachment theory, this essential guide will help you identify your thoughts and feelings, balance your emotions, communicate your needs, and set healthy boundaries to improve your life.

When you’re assertive, you’re able to communicate your needs and wishes clearly while respecting yourself and anyone else involved in the interaction. But when you aren’t assertive, you may stop yourself from saying anything when your needs aren’t being met, or end up lashing out in hostile or hurtful ways. People with different attachment styles struggle with being assertive for different reasons, and even women with a secure attachment style may have difficulty expressing emotion when faced with challenging circumstances.

Using strategies based in mindfulness, cognitive behavioral therapy (CBT), and dialectical behavior therapy (DBT), The Assertiveness Guide for Women can help you understand the attachment styles that keep you from asserting yourself. You’ll learn about the three communication stances—from the passive Doormat to the aggressive (or passive-aggressive) Sword to the assertive Lantern—and find practical examples that show you how to apply your new communication and emotional awareness skills in your own life. Rather than being caught in a cycle of rumination and regret when you’re unable to express yourself or even acknowledge your own needs, you’ll be ready to assert yourself and get what you want.

Whether you’re anxious and overwhelmed by the intensity of your emotions, avoidant and struggle to identify your emotions, or otherwise have difficulty expressing yourself, this book will help you become more aware of your own thoughts and feelings, and empower you to ask for what you need, set boundaries, and speak your truth for a more fulfilling life.


Julie de Azevedo Hanks, PhD, LCSW, is passionate about helping women find their voice in their own lives, relationships, and in the world. She is a psychotherapist and licensed clinical social worker, author of The Burnout Cure, blogger, local and... Read more

Books by Julie de Azevedo Hanks

Riane Eisler (Foreword by)
Riane Eisler, JD, is a systems scientist, cultural historian, author of The Chalice and the Blade and The Real Wealth of Nations, and coauthor of Transforming Interprofessional Partnerships. She has been a leader in the movement for peace,... Read more

Books by Riane Eisler


“Julie de Azevedo Hanks has provided women with a much-needed and long-awaited resource for self-expression. Her compassionate and informative voice gently guides readers through potential obstacles with hands-on strategies, which are validating and empowering. The Assertiveness Guide for Women is a must-read for anyone seeking the support and tools essential for honest and healthy communication.”
—Karen Kleiman, MSW, founder of The Postpartum Stress Center, and author of several books on postpartum depression, including Therapy and the Postpartum Woman

The Assertiveness Guide for Women offers the skills you need to change and empower your life—including strengthening valuable relationships! Julie de Azevedo Hanks’ down-to-earth, warm style invites you in and shows you you’re not alone, as she provides a foundation of emotional awareness, understanding, and confidence to enable you to express your truest self. A powerful tool for women of all ages and stages, this book can, and if followed, will change you for the best!”
—Christina G. Hibbert, PsyD, author of This is How We Grow, Who Am I Without You?, and 8 Keys to Mental Health Through Exercise

“So many of us have experiences of silencing ourselves—sometimes for years and years. The Assertiveness Guide for Women is a powerful book packed with practical, thoughtful suggestions and poignant real-life examples to help us speak up, effectively express ourselves, and set strong boundaries. You’ll also gain insights into your own thoughts, feelings, and relationships, and into your own challenges with being assertive. This book empowers you, even when you feel powerless and undeserving. I truly wish it was required reading for all women and girls. It’s that important.”
—Margarita Tartakovsky, MS, writer and associate editor at 

“This informative, accessible guide goes beyond healthy communication techniques and delves into the psychology that drives our patterns of relating to others. With thorough information, relatable examples, and awareness exercises that personalize the experience, Julie de Azevedo Hanks provides readers with a highly applicable resource that can transform their relationships with others and with themselves. In a society that makes assertiveness challenging for many women, this book can be a life-changer.”
—Elizabeth Anne Scott, MS, author of 8 Keys to Stress Management

The Assertiveness Guide for Women provides helpful exercises and tools that will help any woman find her authentic voice. Julie de Azevedo Hanks helps readers identify the barriers that get in the way of assertive communication, and then provides the action steps necessary for achieving healthy self-expression.”
—Amy Morin, LCSW, author of 13 Things Mentally Strong People Don’t Do

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Average: 2.7 (3 votes)
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Wow if there was ever a book that was supposed to serve as a guide for women for gain any sort of assertiveness in their lives – THIS BOOK IS IT !!! The basic problem for women is that for too long women have allowed their past, specifically their lives as a child, to control who they are today. Dr. Julie de Azevedo Hanks has done a marvelous job in creating a pyramid of information to help women is this predicament, beginning telling what the difference between assertive and not being it. The author’s experience not only as a Licensed Clinical Social Worker [LCSW] but as a Psychotherapist lends itself perfectly to her readers what they need to gain the assertiveness they’re looking for. Instead of merely telling her readers this is what they must do or not do, she asks them to reflective on their lives and to look at the past events they’ve experienced from different angles so they can try to: have more clarity in their lives, more compassion towards others and how to connect with them more effectively, increased calmness when the situations warrant it, and most important an increase in the confidence they have about themselves. In order to attempt this, the book contains exercises which I feel are not to arduous to do. Being a child of the 1950’s, if was a song which would epitomize what this book is trying to do for women, than it would have to be “I Am Woman” by Helen Reddy. If you’re not familiar with this song here are some of the lyrics: I am woman, hear me roar In numbers too big to ignore And I know too much to go back an' pretend 'Cause I've heard it all before And I've been down there on the floor No one's ever gonna keep me down again [Chorus:] Oh yes I am wise But it's wisdom born of pain Yes, I've paid the price But look how much I gained If I have to, I can do anything I am strong (strong) I am invincible (invincible) I am woman You can bend but never break me 'Cause it only serves to make me More determined to achieve my final goal And I come back even stronger Not a novice any longer 'Cause you've deepened the conviction in my soul As you can probably see there’s no way I can’t give this book the 5 STARS it so richly deserves. US: