Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle
About the Book
—Library Journal starred review
Power struggles between parents and teens are nothing new, but chronic control battles are destructive to teen development as well as the entire family. According to psychotherapist Neil Brown, these battles occur as the result of self-perpetuating negative relationship patterns. Chock-full of powerful and easy-to-use evidence-based tools, this book will help you understand and end the painful tug-of-war with your teen and foster a peaceful and loving home environment.
In virtually all families, there are moments when teens are unhappy with parental limits, rules, and requests—as well as times when those kids are disobedient or noncompliant, or get caught up in the moment and make bad decisions. But the parent-teen control battle goes beyond this; it’s a chronic relationship pattern that uses up the family’s emotional resources and can seriously impact child identity, self-esteem, and development, resulting in destructive behavior and causing stress for everyone around. This book offers a thorough understanding of the control battle and a clear prescription to end it.
With Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle, you’ll learn about the three elements that support this chronic conflict—reactivity, negative emotional tone, and being “other-person focused”—and discover the two key changes that can be made to address the underlying issues, allowing you to move toward a more positive way of seeing your teen while creating vital behavioral change. Using tools based in structural family therapy (SFT), which targets the core relationship pattern driving the control battle, you’ll be able to address specific issues and create a healthier pattern.
If you’re tired of the constant battle for control and you’re ready to cultivate a more loving, peaceful, and supportive environment for the whole family, this book has the skills and understanding you need to be successful, no matter what you and your teen face.
Books by Neil D. Brown
Books by Donald T Saposnek
—Library Journalstarred review
—Lara Honos-Webb, PhD, author of The ADHD Workbook for Teens (www.addisagift.com)
—Edward Farrar, LMFT, child, adolescent, and family specialist in McMinnville, OR
—Patricia Golden, DO, medical director of Wheaton Franciscan Medical Group-Ascension Health Care Central Market Wisconsin, and member of the American Academy of Family Practice
—Carmen Arriaga, LMFT, RN, marriage and family therapist and registered nurse in private practice, and adjunct faculty at Santa Clara University’s graduate program in counseling psychology
—Andrew Kumasaka, MD, psychiatrist in private practice
—Garry Crummer, MD, integrative pediatrics practitioner in Santa Cruz, CA, and former clinical professor of pediatrics at the University of California, San Diego School of Medicine’s Division of Community Pediatrics
—Margaret Wilson, custodial grandparent
—Andrea Wachter, LMFT, psychotherapist, coauthor of Mirror, Mirror on the Wall and The Don’t Diet; Live-It Workbook and author of Getting Over Overeating for Teens
—Joe Newman, MA, author of Raising Lions
—Martha Sandoval, MD, family medicine, Palo Alto Medical Foundation
“Neil Brown has written a wonderful book for parents of teens. In conversational language, Neil highlights the importance of parental emotional awareness and control, attention to their teen’s temperament, and an unafraid approach to being straight with kids about their behavior and their need to earn privileges through behavioral control and honesty. By focusing on the battle for control, Brown helps parents avoid giving up and avoid excessively labeling and blaming their teen. ... It is certainly a book I could recommend to parents of teens in my practice and in my community.”
—John Sargent, MD, professor of psychiatry and pediatrics, and director of the Division of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry at Tufts University School of Medicine
“Reflecting decades of experience as a therapist, this easy-to-read book by Neil Brown will be a valuable resource for parents. Ending the Parent-Teen Control Battle provides both smart analysis of a troublesome dynamic that often creeps into relations between parents and teens, and very clear advice on how to either avoid it or get on top if it when it develops.”
—Bonnie Fox, PhD, professor of sociology at the University of Toronto, Canada
“As a former middle school principal, parent, and concerned educational leader, I have experienced the parent-teen control battle from all fronts: professionally, personally, and academically. When Neil Brown came to present for our middle school, his strategies for setting caring, supportive boundaries and communicating non-confrontationally with teens were instantly accessible and understandable for our parent community. This book contains practical case studies and concrete examples of behavior and language that are clear and immediately useful. Brown gives constructive advice regarding the ‘developmental bridge’ that we all help our teens cross as parents, educators, and support providers. Anyone supporting healthy relationships and communication with teenagers can benefit from the strategies and information this book contains.”
—Valerie Royaltey-Quandt, EdD, director of student services at Campbell Union High School District